The Art of Cooking by Proxy

My men have usually started out hard core non-cooking men and for the first part of our relationships this has been all dandy for me. I have sort of enjoyed playing The Little Housewife, ironing their shirts and cooking up three course meals, but this usually wears quite thin after as the first romantic months of the relationship passes. After that I start planning how I shall rid myself of the burden of everyday cooking (though I still enjoy throwing the odd dinner party for appreciative guests).


Over the years I have devised a cunning three step plan which is almost fool proof.

1. First major occasion with an excuse for gifting larger items, buy them a whopping big grill with all the bells and whistles to go with it.
   
   There is something about men and fires. They seem genetically programmed to be drawn to it and once the flames turns to embers they will start scouring the house for something to put on them.
   
2. Make sure the kitchen is always well stocked with the perfect food to throw on "the barbie". Since you're trying to train your man to cook, you should start out with large chunks of beef and then slowly turning him over to such delicacies as marinated aubergine and similar. If you live in a suburban area you could encourage him to join up with the other chaps for "barbie" marathons. Remind me to tell you all about the year of the Great Barbie Competition in our neighbourhood sometime!
   
   By now he should be sufficiently trained on dinners. All you need to do when the winter comes is to smile sweetly and tell him that he's such a wizz with the meat/veggies/fish - couldn't he see if he could replicate some of that masterfulness with the grill pan? Most men will rise to the occasion.
   
3. Get into the habit of having a full cooked breakfast every day. It is a well known fact that men are more likely to sort breakfast out if it is a cooked one. Alternatively, if the thought of all that grease and bacon turns your stomach, cuddle up to him like a kitten in the morning and whisper sweetly in his ear that being served breakfast in bed makes you feel like a Princess and this makes you HOT. 

This plan will work for most men, occasionally you may have to revise it - as I had to do for Husband. The way to get him into the kitchen lay more in lines of hard nosed refusal on doing certain things, on my behalf.

- No, you filthy minded person! Not That! That I do willingly, if not wantonly!

I simply refuse to cook offal, and later on to clean!