From the Mouth of Hell

Some people swear by it. I do too, but for entirely different reasons. In my case it is not raving about how marvellous this product is, it is purely from the sheer Hell it is using it.

Lots of women rave about how they only need to attend to their hair removal regime once a month, how silky and smooth they are and how "it only hurts a little bit the first time". 


Bollox!


This little white and pink, innocent looking machine is actually a more advanced remainder of a piece of torture equipment used during the inquisition.

Other women just claim that it is practically pain free because they are trying to lure a fellow sister into the Epilady using cult, hoping that if they widen the usage they pain will be wider spread. Don't trust them! They're cult members!

There is, in fact, only one solution to painless hair removal and that is to NOT DO IT. Plucking is time consuming and painful, epiladying is excruciatingly painful, shaving leaves you with blotches all over and and itchiness that makes you lose your will to live.

Lets look at our reason for hair removal - we claim it is to be sexy for our partners but I don't actually buy that. The only entirely healthy people post puberty who are hairless are very old people - trust me, when you reach a certain age it starts dropping off - and the thought of my partner chasing octogenarians is frankly a tad disturbing. Not that there is anything wrong with octogenarians, nor is it necessarily something bad in fancying mature people, but I wouldn't like to be dumped for a great-granny.

In fact, the only people who would ask you to pull your own hair out are sadists or other women. Women uphold the myth of the sexy hairless goddess in order to lure other poor saps into the Cult of Pain and Sisyphean tasks. Going through hell once isn't enough. The hair keeps growing back and you keep having to torture yourself.

Solution? Join the Cult of the Yeti Women!

Let's create a fashion for braided underarm hair and downy legs. Just think of how warm and cosy you will be in the winter, not to mention the savings you will make not buying shaving stuff!

Our motto shall be "Hair is Here" and we will live happy and teach our daughters a hairy way of life!